8 weeks post op tomorrow!

Hello again!


Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks post-op lap band already!  So far I have now lost 40 pounds!  I added that lil ticker above from my fitness pal to show how far I have left to go in order to reach my goal.  I'm right at half way to where I want to be from my highest ever.  I am 77 lbs less than my highest ever and 80 lbs away from my ultimate goal (so far anyway).  I am also currently 56 lbs up from my lowest wt ever....my first goal is about 19 more lbs....then my next goal will be onederland...then on to surpass my lowest and hit my first goal...then to reevaluate from there!  =)


I'm teaching more classes this quarter and haven't been online as often...but I'm still here and I'm still going on my path.


I still love my ViSalus shakes and I'm still tracking etc.  


After my 15 1/2 hour tuesdays I am kinda out for the count on wednesdays...too much pain, exhaustion, etc...at least I'm not too dizzy to function this week!  I'll take pain over feeling like I'm gonna pass out any moment that's for sure!


It is a beautiful day! <3

6 weeks post-op

Well hello!


I guess I haven't written in a really long time.  I was reading Lori's post and figured I'd add an update!  I am now 6 weeks post-op lap band.  I have lost a total of 35.6 lbs and 34 inches.  I had my first fill this past monday and had a 4.5 cc fill.  Thank goodness because I was starving all the time!  I make most of my updates on facebook.  It is easy and interactive as I have friended a lot of bandsters.  I need to post updated pictures...I'll get right on that.


NSVs:  I was able to wear my black corset again AND my gey tuesday shirt!  I missed those. =)


I have been loving the ViSalus protein/nutrition shakes and talking about them a lot on facebook just because it is on my mind a lot.  I suck as a salesperson...I didn't become a distributor to make money...I did it because I believe in the product and I want to share it with everyone!  It has made me feel so much better.  I posted a note about it and my fibro in fb, maybe I should copy and paste that here....


(From my facebook note)

I was asked about my energy levels since starting the Vi-Shakes.  I've added a lot of WLS people on here that do not know my history with FMS and CFS. I have severe fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome due to bad genetics in my spine that have caused 10 herniated discs, degenerative disc disease, spurring, and arthritis in my spine.  I've had FMS for over 17 years.  It started as chronic headaches when I was a pre-teen.  Yes I've had headaches and pain every day and every night constantly for the past 17+ years.  I wouldn't know what it is like not to have it.  It does get a little worse every year and I just have to learn to adjust to whatever my pain level is.  I've seen over 30 doctors, thereapists, specialists.  I've been on tons of medications.  I've done physical thereapy, aqua therapy, acupuncture, chiropractics, massage therapy...pretty much everything.  I've tried natural supplements, done food allergy testing...and I have found nothing that even helps take the edge off...so I take nothing.  If I am going to be in pain anyway I may as well not be messing up my internal organs with synthetic medications.

That was a brief history....  Keep in mind I'm extrememly stubborn and I hate letting anything control me... So I have been fighting this all of these years...once I grew old enough to put aside the depression of it all when I was in college (the first time..lol...since I'm working on my doctorate now, I've always been in college it seems! And since I teach college, I guess I really am always in a college! I love it!)  I decided that if I'm going to be in pain anyway, I want to be the best me I can be so I can at least slow down the progression as long as possible.  I refuse to sit back and not do anything.  I do not want to be on disability. I LOVE MY JOB!  =)  The first time I lost the weight I came to a sudden stop at the end when I had a DVT and pulmonary embolism.  I was out jogging by the crossing of 10th street and 252 with my baby in a stroller when I felt like I was having a sudden heart attack.  This landed me in the hospital for about a week and started 6 months of going to the hospital for infusions/coumadin/blood draws every other day...I was a vegetarian at the time and at a lot of veggies high in vitamin K so I had to be on a lot of coumadin to compensate!  Needless to say this whole process started me back to gaining...then I became pregnant with my second and went all the way back up.  After my 2nd I lost 130 lbs following the weight watchers program and exercising like a crazy person.  I was up to jogging 5 miles several times a week, working out 2 hours almost every day, weight lifting 2x a week with a personal trainer...and I blew out 3 more discs in my low back as a result.  Weight lifting became almost impossible.  Jogging is a huge no no.  Anyway...this new pain set me on the path back up.  And I have met with 3 back surgeons.  One wanted to operate right away to replace several discs.  One is a friend who operated on my dad and said that my back is too bad to do that right now, to wait as long as possible, and maybe artificial discs will get better in the future...the most recent one said that my back is way to degenerated to support surgery.  So I figure at least getting to a goal weight will help take pressure off of my spine.

So here I am... losing weight for a third time.  This journey started right when I turned 30 years old.  I did not get back up to my highest thankfully!  I decided to get the lap-band for the long term support of it.  I know that after about a year of hard work it is really easy to lose motivation to continue.  I'm hoping this band and the support team that comes with it will help me in the long-run.  I know that I have to do the work myself.  With no fill in the band I am most definitely doing all of this work myself!!  

That brings me to the shakes.  I knew I had to get comfy with protein shakes.  Over the years I have tried many many many brands!  Being on here and friending all sorts of WLS people brought the ViSalus shakes to my attention...I learned about them from a successful WLS mommy who is close to my same age and already at her goal who is still doing amazing things, being motivated to always be better, and is very inspiring! She sent me a sample and they tasted so good that I wanted more.  I ordered my 2 shake a day shake up kit right away.  I started having more ENERGY immediately! I hadn't been on caffeine in a month and I felt like I had more energy than ever!  I did not drink them for 2 days and my energy fell over the holiday weekend.  I came back home and back to the shakes and my energy perked right back up!  ALSO I was able to exercise for 6 days before having a flare up day!  This is a big deal because normally I would flare after ONE day of exercise.  I kept feeling good so I'd exercise another day...then another...then another!  Yesterday was my first flare day and it wasn't nearly as bad as normal.  I believe that the quality of the protein and nutrient mix is helping to repair my crappy muscles.  The nutrition is providing energy because it is easily processed and complimented with enzymes etc for max absorbtion.  

My own personal increased energy and decreased pain led me to become a distributor because I want to share this stuff with everyone.  I'm not a pressure salesperson...I am a terrible salesperson!  I don't want to push anyone to do anything. I post a lot about this because it is helping ME.  It is on my mind a lot bc it is helping me more than pain killers etc ever did.  I haven't taken pain killers in over a week.  

I have also never been able to sleep.  I usually wake up every 30 minutes, never sleeping more than 2 hours at a time.  I've been wearing this body media armband to track calores/steps/food/and sleep and 2 nights ago I actually slept 5 hours and 41 minutes straight without waking up!!  If I can get a little less pain....more sleep...I will just keep feeling better.

So...THANK YOU to everyone that has been cheering me on!  And to those of you that have asked me for advice etc...THANK YOU for looking to me for that!  I am SO BLESSED to have you all and to share inspiration, success, trials and errors, ideas, everything.  I have about 100 weight loss community people on here now...I didn't make a separate page because I am a pretty open person about everything and I just have all of my life on one page.  I'll keep updating and sharing.... ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!!  We will all get to our goals.

********************************************************************************

Ok so that was the note.  I'm still feeling more energy on the shakes.  Today I felt decent enough to decorate the house for Halloween and organize a bit.  I'm psyching up to teach 4 classes next quarter...I will be busy!!  I'm excited for it, I LOVE MY JOB!!!!  I'm still in awe of the fact that I get to teach college....and that it is possible to love your job so much!  <3 <3 <3  

Weekend Rambles

It is finally Sat and I was able to sleep in!  It is MUCH easier to get through this initial phase of the liquid diet if I get a later start to the day.  Getting up at 6 am during the week makes for LONG days and LOTS of hunger so far.  With my chronic pain, I'm used to laying in bed in denial on mornings that I don't have to get up to attend to kids or work or various other responsibilities.  I can just stay stretched out for a bit and think.  Sometimes my body hurts too bad to move.  Sometimes I may actually be comfortable...although this is rare. I've never quite gotten along with sleep.  


Anyway.  I haven't needed any pain meds for surgery related pain and I haven't been taking pain meds for my back/muscle pain.  I don't like relying on meds for anything.  After 17 years of medications and doctors and treatments and physical therapies etc....nothing has ever helped with pain so I figure why take it?  Gonna be in pain anyway....and then have whatever side effect the meds cause.  


I have decided to take one day at a time.  It is really all I can handle.  I have GOALS.  I'm motivated.  I'm driven.  I want to be better...feel better...do better.  Anything that I can do...to improve myself...will only benefit my loved ones.


My oldest son is 6 and so full of energy and go go go!  It is hard to keep up with him!  My youngest is 3 and very calm, happy, peaceful.  I have many blessings!


Yesterday...I did break the rules a bit.  I have been absolutely stomach roaring starving for a few days on the liquid diet.  I decided to add some fat free cottage cheese for lunch...3 ounces.  That held me for maybe 2 hours.  An hour after eating I did drink 48 ounces of water..I've had no problems getting the water in.  Then I went out for the first time since surgery and went to the drive in movies.  I was starving and trying to figure out the best choice.  So I asked for side of the chili topping that they put on the hot dogs...it was like the hormel canned chili...and also a side of the cheese.  They came in little 2 ounce plastic containers.  I ate maybe 3 ounces of that and it was AMAZING to eat real food.  Then I walked 2 laps around the field before the movies started.  


The weight has still been coming off every day...bit by bit...which is all I can ask for.  =)


I can't wait to eat some chicken!!!!!!  


I like adding pictures...so meet my dog...  Dobby the House Elf.  He's a Papillion...he's been with us 5 years already...wow.  

1 week Bandiversary!

Hello world!  I woke up happy this morning!  When I stood up I didn't have much pain at all!  Then after looking at the scale I was made even happier...a great start to this day!  So...here are a few numbers for you....  I did not get all the way back up to my highest weight before having surgery...this gave me a good head start!

So far I have lost:

59.8 from my highest

22.4 since my 30th bday on July 3

6.4 since getting my band

I have been feeling really hungry in the evenings.  I am focusing on protein first as much as possible while still on a liquid diet.  I'm on this diet for one more week, then I can add in mushies.  I'm very grateful that eggbeaters are on my liquid list because that seems to be the only thing that makes me feel full for a few hours.

I'm getting in plenty of water... 96 ounces yesterday...I really love powerade zero and I stock up on the 32 ounce bottles.  I notice that my band really does not like to be dry.  In the mornings and after I went to lay down for while when feeling bad...band definitely let me know it wanted some hydration!

It must be a water sign like I am.  We both need water to be happy.  =)

I'm loving all of the online support.  I've met many wonderful people going through similar things and it is just great that we can all motivate each other.

I read the book, "Bandwagon" and I recommend it to everyone!  It is over 500 pages of terrific information!

I'm not sure what all else to say at this poing so I'm going to leave you with a couple pictures of the reasons I want to be healthy...my boys. =)

Day 5 with band and Reflecting on Past

I wanted to post some pictures of me the last time I lost the weight.  It is great motivation for me to get back to where I was.  I've felt like such a failure for gaining it back...twice....  However...I know how to do it!  I CAN and WILL do it!  This band is the tool I need to help me get back to where I was and to MAINTAIN it.  I've always been able to lose...always been able to gain....never been able to maintain.  At my lowest I was still 20lbs away from my goal.  Anyway...here are some older pics of me...without the black hair. =)

 The above pic was taken in Sept of 2009 at my BFF's birthday party...this night is the lowest weight I've ever reached...and I maintained it for that night only and started going back up from there...I was down to a size 12...only 20 lbs away from my goal.... At least I have less than 100 lbs to get back to there!  Actually I have about 75 to lose to get back to there.  It will happen!!!!  Before I even know it, I'll be shopping at white house/black market again. =)  mmmm how I love that store!

Halloween 2009.  Vamp Jenn was up a bit from september but still rocking the Vamp Attire!  I'd love to get back into that, yes I still have it!

Anyway...I have hundreds of pictures on facebook of me at every size..lol...well not at my ultimate highest weight...I wasn't on fb at that time.  Currently I'm 55 lbs down from my top weight.  A great jump start...so glad I didn't gain it ALL back this time.

I'm taking it easy today still...  the gas bubbles in my chest are the most painful....can't wait to get all of the gas OUT!  If the bubbles hurt so much makes me worried about having a stuck experience...which seems to happen to everyone at any stage of the game at some point along the journey.

Of course I'm still nervous that I actually inserted something into my body...wrapped around my stomach.  And I'm supposed to have it in there forever.  I'm just recently 30.....however...I have to believe that the pros of getting to a goal weight will outweigh any cons.  My back is just to degenerated to exercise as hard core as I was before.  That said, I am looking forward to exercising again.  I had started a 100 mile walking challenge and am excited to get back to it...Taking these 2 weeks off of exercise is just motivating me to get back at it when I get the all clear.

I'm still not hungry at all.  I feel tummy rumbles that are probably hunger...but I don't feel hungry yet.  I just added some choc carnation instant breakfast to my coffee and it is really good and sneaking in protein!  Also adding miralax to my coffee...since...well....there's been no pooping since wednesday!  Yet I keep taking hydrocodone.....  ahhhhh I'm kinda scared about that too!!!

Anyway...I'm taking tonight off of work.  That gives me a whole other week to recover and take it easy. The pain isn't so much what is keeping me from work as the dizziness and fear that I could pass out while teaching class.

Thank you for reading!  I think everyone on here has me on facebook...  I'm Jennifer Hynes Skopecek on there.  I'm currently cuddled up in my recliner with my 3 year old on my lap, a comforter, fan, and protein coffee. =)  My oldest is at school, he's a big first grader now!  <3

Day 4 with my Realize Band and some photos

These pictures were taken the morning of my surgery, August 11, 2011.  

And this next one is taken in my room at the surgery center pre-op!  I'm all ready to get my band!!!

I'm going to try and keep updating as life progresses!  So far I am doing really well with the post-op liquid diet.  I have not been hungry at all yet.  Breakfast has been 1-2 ounces of applesauce with prilosec mixed in...I have to take the antacid for 2 months.  I've still had my decaf coffee...been adding in the miralax to counteract the hydrocodone.  Lunch has either been 1-2 ounces of pudding, cheddar cheese soup, or cream of wheat....same for dinner.  Also taking 2 ounces of pure protein shake occasionally.  Sipping water all day long...aside from waiting 30 mins after meals.  I'm also giving myself 3 shots of heparin a day to prevent blood clots since I've had DVT and Pulmonary Embolism several years ago.

I'm sleeping just fine, walking, going up and down stairs, attending to children on and off.  Right now my tummy is still sore and it is still sore/uncomfortable to take deep breaths.  The gas bubbles are uncomfortable and cause a bit of chest pain, but a good burp helps!  lol.

That is my update for right now! =)

Thanks for letting me share it with you!

I like to draw inspiration from Quotes, Books, etc....

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." 
— Bob Marley

I AM BANDED!

It is official!  Yesterday I was official banded!  My surgery went great...my team is top notch.  A friend asked me what all was involved in the lap-band surgery...here's how I explained it:


What I had was the lap-band procedure, laproscopic adjustable gastric banding. My surgeon chose the Realize brand band once he saw my insides and thought that one was best for me. There is also the Allegran band. He didn't have a preference between the two, just picks once he's in.

It is a laproscopic surgery so I only have 5 small incisions, one is centered high in my belly and the other 4 are down horizontal to my belly button. The tools/medical instruments are inserted at these points as well as a camera, so he is doing all of his work looking at a screen.

They inflate you with carbon dioxide gas to make for more room to get around. Then he wraps the band around the upper part of my stomach, leaving about a 3-4 ounce pouch, and snaps the band closed like one of those clear wire ties that you wrap around cords and click to close. At this point the band is left empty/unfilled. He then stiches my stomach a little bit around the band in order to keep it from slipping out of place. There is a tube joining the band to a port. The port was stapled to my abdominal muscle near my belly button with this handy device that staples it right on. This port is used for saline fills or unfills as need throughout time to make the band tighter or looser as needed to keep a good sense of restriction.

My first fill appointment is in a month as it is empty now while healing. 


Well I don't know why the font is all weird...I just copy/pasted this from a message I sent.


Anyway...today I'm just sore a bit and tired...but overall I am very ok!!  =)


I haven't been hungry yet at all...just taking my 2 ounces or liquid so I can take my pain meds.  Speaking of..it's time for my next dose!


Just wanted to keep up to date.  

9 Days to Band!

First...I wanted to post this link because I think it is a great article.  Lessons for Lap Band Success. 

I did all of my pre-op testing yesterday, and it took all day!  Wow!  Then I had work, so it was a long day.  I've been following the pre-op diet, except yesterday...I had to eat real food after that Barium.  Not that white poop isn't fun, but that was nasty!

I am so ready for this band.  I am so ready to meet the me I am supposed to be.  I am ready to get back where I was and stay there...forever.

I have been reading all kinds of material, information, blogs, statuses, watching youtubes, etc.  The WLS community is greatly supportive and motivational. I'm so happy that I've found all the people that I've found so far.

Truth is...though I've done this alone before....I also failed...alone.  I can't do this alone and be successful.  I need the community, the support system.  I need encouragement.  It's my motivational oxygen!

Taking the kids to a lake to swim today...fresh air, water...and away from the kitchen!!

14 Days to Band

Hello hello!  14 days to go!  


It has been one busy week!  Babysitting a couple days this week so I have 4 young men outnumbering me.  Needless to say, stress has been a huge part of my week. And since stress is my biggest pain trigger for my fibro...it has been one bad flare hellish week pain wise.  I haven't been able to even walk right since Monday.  


Monday....I walked 3 miles on the treadmill then went to work and then went to the hospital because my friend went into labor!  She started the labor process Monday around 7pm...and didn't have baby Lucas until wednesday afternoon via c-section.  Talk about unfair!  She had to endure over 40 hours of labor and a c-section...Wow.  However, that beautiful, amazing, perfect lil boy is here now.  =)  


More reason why I can't wait to have my band....my body is so messed up...which I knew...I know my hormones are crazy and counter-productive.  I know this.  But it is still hard when I work really hard for a week or two to lose a few lbs...and then I gain 5 lbs overnight.  This has been my cycle and why the weight always come back on.  This band is desperately needed to help me have some stability and support...it is a crutch...a tool...and I need it.  Especially for the bad flare days which just get more and more often and intense.  


Today is thursday and my pre-op diet starts on Monday which is when I go in for pre-op testing.  It seems like a long way away but I know it'll be here before I know it.  


These extra kids were dropped off at 6:30 am...so I'm really tired...my body hurts.....but it is almost friday.  


Well, they are demanding fruit loops so back to it!!!

21 Days to Band!

I am taking this journey seriously.  I am making it my goal to lose as much weight and to get as fit as I possibly can before surgery.  This is a LIFE LONG COMMITMENT.  I refuse to lose/gain/lose/gain for the rest of my life.  It is too hard.

Today I walked/jogged 2 miles!  I started a 100 mile challenge on FB and am having friends like my status and I'll dedicate a mile to each of them  I don't know or care how long it will take, but having people counting on you makes it so much easier to do it.  I did mile 1 in 17.26 mins and mile 2 in 19 mins.

I've gotten in 100 ounces of water so far and my bodymedia fit is keeping track of calories in and out.  All I have to do is print out my reports to take with me to appointments.

My sleeping is effed up as I knew it was.  Through last night I woke up 10 times during the night for several minutes at a time.  I only sleep for 25 to 60 minute intervals and had one stretch that lasted 2 hours but that wasn't until about 6-8 am.  It hurts so much every time that I move that it wakes me up cringing then I have to get comfy again.

I'm a total procrastinator when it comes to my own homework...I still have all of this week's to do.  I'm keeping a 4.0 so far so it's working, but I really need to work on that so it isn't so rushed at the end of the week.

Lost another pound!  I'm down 48.4 from my highest.  I also took some pics I'll post on here once I load them up on to computer.

22 Days to Band

Hello and happy wednesday!  I didn't write yesterday mainly because it was a bad flare day.  This thing called fibromyalgia really has ravaged my entire body.  On Monday I both exercised and went to work...now my work isn't considered physically taxing as I am a college instructor...yet any standing, walking around, carrying my stuff etc. can be hard on me if it is a bad day.  I try to sit mostly...my students know I have this pain issue and have been very understanding.  I was completely exhausted and sore when I got home monday night and just needed to rest, yet was in too much pain to sleep.  


Tuesday I was able to sleep in since my parents kept both my kiddos monday night!  It was a weird flare riddled day.  I didn't do much.  It was hard to even lift my arms up.  I did manage to get all moved into a new journal, add some inspirational pictures/phrases, and write some in it.  I'm going to fill that bad boy up with this journey!!  By the time it is full, I will be different!  I was able to visit some friends, my joy-bringers I call them, for a few before my kiddos came back home.  


I have homework to do (as I'm working on my doctorate) and I'm always looking for new things to have my class do... Today I just have my youngest home with me and he is currently perched up on my lap drinking chocolate milk and watchin spongebob. =)


In keeping track of total weight lost... I have lost 47.4 lbs from my highest weight.  


I had my appoinment with Dr. Clark right before my bday and have lost 10 lbs now since my bday weekend ended.  


My goal is to lose as much weight as I possibly can before surgery!  I see NO sense in not progressing now.  And I definitely do NOT want to gain any more and make myelf have that much more to lose.  I'm ready to reach my goal and STAY THERE THIS TIME!!!!!  


Each day I am gaining huge inspiration and motivation from my banded peers on youtube and facebook.  I'm so grateful that this community is so social and vocal!!  I'm on FB everyday anyway and to be able to be inspired is just priceless.  The transformations I see are simply amazing.  


Losing the weight will help with my back pain, well my low back pain anyway.  I know my fibro will most likely be worse as it is worse every year, no matter my size.  But, being at my goal weight will let drs know that my weight isn't what is causing my pain and can focus on other ideas to make me feel better.  


I can't wait to go walking outside....I really wish this intense heat wave would go away!  Actually there is a waterwall close to home that I'm looking forward to walking to again...and the walk back is up an extreme hill...so it is great for the legs and rear!  I love hiking too...I want to tackle some trails here soon...just need a non-kid day to go do it...and can't wait till my boys are old enough to do outdoor stuff like that with me.  They will be mommy's hiking buddies once they are big enough.  


I need to go shopping for some groceries and a variety of protein drinks to try.  I've been hearing of this bariatric advantage line that I need to try.  Also can't wait for my BodyMedia Armband to come in the mail, should be here today or tomorrow!  Yay!  It tracks sleep too which is awesome.  I already know pain is what prevents me from sleep...but the more I know the better I can tend to it.


<3 <3 <3

SURGERY DATE!!!

I have my date!!  AUGUST 11, 2011 is the date that my life is going to change...once and for all.

I will go in on August 1 in stead of this thurs/next mon for the pre-op seminar and the pre-op testing.  That is a monday and it starts at 9am so I should be done in plenty of time to get to work. =)

I will start the pre-op diet that day, I've already been adding in more protein shakes.  I like the Usana shakes...I remember liking Unjury....MyoplexLite....what else do you guys like?  I should probably ask facebook that since I don't know how many actually read this yet!

Today I did get in 30 minutes on the elliptical for a 350 cal burn.  My spine handled it pretty well but my fibro'd out muscles are pissed...that and working tonight has done me in.

Anyway...I'm really enjoying reading about everyone else out there in the community...and watching your youtube videologs.

I'm looking for the best fitness device such as the bodybug etc..I've been reading up on about 6 of them! I'll let you know what I find.

I am so damn excited!!  I can't wait to be me again...AND finally meet me at goal.

phone trial

just seeing if i can update this from my phone....it isnt allowing alts but i guess that is ok...

Faults? I have many.

I have been doing a lot of self-reflecting lately.  Several things have sparked it in my mind.  I have to do a lot of self-reflecting for my doctorate program.  I also had that extensive psych eval in order to get approved for surgery.  Of course my kids are quick to either point out my flaws or irritate me with bad habits they got from me!  Sometimes I take out frustrations on the people closest to me and I apologize.  I don't mean to do that.  The more pain I'm in...the more stressed I am...the more frustrated I am....the snippier and more withdrawn I become.  The reality...is that I'm super pissed and disappointed in myself.  Sometimes I feel like a failure.  But...I'm not whining here...because I am doing everything possible to achieve my goals in spite of myself.

My biggest life struggle has been with weight.  Like I said, overweight since I was 5.  So embarassing.  My mom used to drag me up north to a store called "Kids at Large" to do my clothes shopping.  She had me in weight watchers when I was in elementary school.  So I had to go to the weigh ins...but I wasn't old enough to count points...all I could do was eat what she fed me and then go be embarrased at the scale and made to feel bad and like a failure.  Then I was teased a bunch growing up because of it, like it was my fault or like I was less of a person because of it.  My problems with low self-esteem started very young!

Now that I'm 30.  I struggle more than ever.  I've lost the weight twice!  TWICE! and gained most back. Talk about disappointing.  I work hard.  Just this past couple weeks I worked really hard to lost 9 lbs after my birthday.  Well yesterday I ate a little off plan...not a ton...not even a lot...not even as much as my thin friends would eat...and I gained 5 lbs overnight.  It is such a struggle for me.

This band represents freedom, confidence, success.  I'm GOING to reach my goal. I'm GOING to keep it off.  I'm GOING to feel better, if only in my head.

For now, bear with me if I do get stressed or angry....just realize when I'm feeling that way it is about me and I probably just need a hug and some support.

Another of my faults according to the shrink was that I don't express enough emotions.  So I'm using this blog to get those thoughts and feelings out there.  I'm not going to clutter fb with them so that all of my 400 closest friends don't have to read it, only those that want to.  Yes..I hold things in.  Yes I'm used to taking care of everyone elses' problems.  I'm a fixer.  I can't fix myself.  There is NO cure for fibro or my back.  So, I help others.  It makes me happy to help others.  Knowing that I can do something to make someone else's life better gives me something to think about and to do.  I love being able to help.

I'm sorry to the people that love me that there isn't much of anything that you can do to help me feel better.  I know how much you care and how much you want to help.  I certainly wish there was something.  What I need most is just love and support.  Maybe someday something will come out that can help.

My first goal now is to get this weight off so I can feel better, look better, and be taken seriously about the chronic pain issues.

Wanna know some more flaws?  I'm terrible with directions. I procrastinate like it's my job.  I get impatient with people in my personal sphere.  I can be indecisive because I want to make others happy and do what they want.  I can be extrememly assertive, which can be bad and good.  I'm stubborn...again bad and good.  I get my feelings hurt easily.  I get overwhelmed easy.  If I get overwhelmed I don't want to do anything..and most of this is in my personal sphere NOT WORK.  I'm completely different when it comes to work.  At work I'm wholly focused on it and not on me.  It's not about me.  It's about what I can do for my students.  How I can help them make their lives better and reach their goals.  I LOVE MY JOB!

I'm so used to filling many different roles.

I'm learning as I go.

Be patient with me because it's all worth it.

<3 <3 <3

Sat July 16

Still doing well with my diet and water, focusing on protein and LOTS of water.  I'm loving the Sobe lifewater, all flavors actually.  They say "no artificial sweeteners" so I'm guessing the 0 calories and extra vitamins and antioxidents make this a great choice?  

I'm working on homework a lot today, I'm kind of a procrastinator.  I'm in my third quarter of my doctorate program in eduational leadership.  I currently am an instructor at Harrison College and just love my job more than I thought it was possible to love a job!  

Today a great friend of mine has a baby shower, I'm so excited for her and her first baby, a lil girl!  =)

What I need to do is exercise.  I can't do a whole lot, but I can swim..walk some...elliptical...dance...and a few other things...getting started is the hardest part.  The more I take off, the more my back can support activity.  

I'm in constant pain, head to toe, every second of every day.  Sometimes I complain more than other days, but the pain is always there.  

Pre-Op Info

New info today!  Next thursday I am going to the pre-op seminar which will last about 2 hours in the morning.  Then the following Monday (25th) I go in for all the pre-op testing.  Surgery *hopefully* soon to follow!!

Adjusting to the life pre-band....so far today 34 grams of protein and 76 oz of water.  No diet coke yet.  I have lost 9 lbs since my birthday on the 3rd.

Have I mentioned that I can not wait for this?  I want to meet goal-me so bad.  I've met within 20-lbs-of-goal-me...but I've never in life met goal-me.  I've been overweight since I was 5 so this has been a LONG time coming and I just can't wait for that.

I'm staying super motivated by reading others' stories on facebook, youtube, and blogs.  This community of support is just fantastic!!

Anyway, thanks for sharing this journey with me! =)

First Blog....No band yet!

Here we go!  I have gone through all of the steps to get banded.  I have attended support group meetings, met with the nutritionist, met with the surgeon, PA, coordinators...I've had my psych eval...and I've done all of this twice now!  A brief history....  I've been overweight since I was 5 years old.  The first time I had a dramatic weight loss was after my first son was born.  I lost 110 lbs following the nutritionist's plan at St. Francis weight loss center.  After a DVT/PE hospital stay and everything that goes along with that, I started gaining it back.  That's when I went through the process to be approved for the band the first time.  When the day came that I was all approved and had a date...I found out I was pregnant with son number 2!  And...at the end of that year my insurance decided to stop covering the band.  So, I went through the whole glorious pregnancy thing and then I psyched up to lose the weight...again...This time I lost 130 lbs by following Weight Watchers.  As I came within 15 lbs of my goal...only 15!  More discs in my back decided to go out, leaving me with 10 herniated discs, degenerated disc disease, arthritis, spurring, AND severe head to toe fibromyalgia.  All of the exercise I was doing really ended up putting the hurts on me.  No more 5 mile runs for this spine!  Now, about 18 months later I have put 90 of those pounds back on.  Now is the time for the band.  I have to self-pay because for some reason insurance doesn't think being a healthy weight is worth the money.  That's ok...I can pay it and I DESERVE IT.  My kids deserve it too!  I have a wonderfully awesome IUD to ensure no more babies and am ready to DO THIS!  I just turned 30 and was hoping to reach my weight loss goals by now...but that wasn't in the cards for me so I've re-adjusted to 32.

My Goals for 32?

I will reach my goal weight!

I will finish my Doctorate program!  (I'm 3 quarters into it and have a 4.0!)

I will be teaching full time!  (I teach part time at Harrison College since I have these cute babies at home...well ages 6 and 3)

I will be able to exercise more and go hiking again.

I will feel comfortable in my own skin.

My back pain will be less.

Now I know the fibro isn't going anywhere...but...if I can take weight off of the table, I'll be more apt to get better help from doctors in working on that problem.

So...I am all approved....I've made payment arrangements...now I just need a date.  I love to share my thoughts, ideas, motivation, etc...hence joining in the blogging world.  =)