Hello hello! 14 days to go!
It has been one busy week! Babysitting a couple days this week so I have 4 young men outnumbering me. Needless to say, stress has been a huge part of my week. And since stress is my biggest pain trigger for my fibro...it has been one bad flare hellish week pain wise. I haven't been able to even walk right since Monday.
Monday....I walked 3 miles on the treadmill then went to work and then went to the hospital because my friend went into labor! She started the labor process Monday around 7pm...and didn't have baby Lucas until wednesday afternoon via c-section. Talk about unfair! She had to endure over 40 hours of labor and a c-section...Wow. However, that beautiful, amazing, perfect lil boy is here now. =)
More reason why I can't wait to have my band....my body is so messed up...which I knew...I know my hormones are crazy and counter-productive. I know this. But it is still hard when I work really hard for a week or two to lose a few lbs...and then I gain 5 lbs overnight. This has been my cycle and why the weight always come back on. This band is desperately needed to help me have some stability and support...it is a crutch...a tool...and I need it. Especially for the bad flare days which just get more and more often and intense.
Today is thursday and my pre-op diet starts on Monday which is when I go in for pre-op testing. It seems like a long way away but I know it'll be here before I know it.
These extra kids were dropped off at 6:30 am...so I'm really tired...my body hurts.....but it is almost friday.
Well, they are demanding fruit loops so back to it!!!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
21 Days to Band!
I am taking this journey seriously. I am making it my goal to lose as much weight and to get as fit as I possibly can before surgery. This is a LIFE LONG COMMITMENT. I refuse to lose/gain/lose/gain for the rest of my life. It is too hard.
Today I walked/jogged 2 miles! I started a 100 mile challenge on FB and am having friends like my status and I'll dedicate a mile to each of them I don't know or care how long it will take, but having people counting on you makes it so much easier to do it. I did mile 1 in 17.26 mins and mile 2 in 19 mins.
I've gotten in 100 ounces of water so far and my bodymedia fit is keeping track of calories in and out. All I have to do is print out my reports to take with me to appointments.
My sleeping is effed up as I knew it was. Through last night I woke up 10 times during the night for several minutes at a time. I only sleep for 25 to 60 minute intervals and had one stretch that lasted 2 hours but that wasn't until about 6-8 am. It hurts so much every time that I move that it wakes me up cringing then I have to get comfy again.
I'm a total procrastinator when it comes to my own homework...I still have all of this week's to do. I'm keeping a 4.0 so far so it's working, but I really need to work on that so it isn't so rushed at the end of the week.
Lost another pound! I'm down 48.4 from my highest. I also took some pics I'll post on here once I load them up on to computer.
Today I walked/jogged 2 miles! I started a 100 mile challenge on FB and am having friends like my status and I'll dedicate a mile to each of them I don't know or care how long it will take, but having people counting on you makes it so much easier to do it. I did mile 1 in 17.26 mins and mile 2 in 19 mins.
I've gotten in 100 ounces of water so far and my bodymedia fit is keeping track of calories in and out. All I have to do is print out my reports to take with me to appointments.
My sleeping is effed up as I knew it was. Through last night I woke up 10 times during the night for several minutes at a time. I only sleep for 25 to 60 minute intervals and had one stretch that lasted 2 hours but that wasn't until about 6-8 am. It hurts so much every time that I move that it wakes me up cringing then I have to get comfy again.
I'm a total procrastinator when it comes to my own homework...I still have all of this week's to do. I'm keeping a 4.0 so far so it's working, but I really need to work on that so it isn't so rushed at the end of the week.
Lost another pound! I'm down 48.4 from my highest. I also took some pics I'll post on here once I load them up on to computer.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
22 Days to Band
Hello and happy wednesday! I didn't write yesterday mainly because it was a bad flare day. This thing called fibromyalgia really has ravaged my entire body. On Monday I both exercised and went to work...now my work isn't considered physically taxing as I am a college instructor...yet any standing, walking around, carrying my stuff etc. can be hard on me if it is a bad day. I try to sit mostly...my students know I have this pain issue and have been very understanding. I was completely exhausted and sore when I got home monday night and just needed to rest, yet was in too much pain to sleep.
Tuesday I was able to sleep in since my parents kept both my kiddos monday night! It was a weird flare riddled day. I didn't do much. It was hard to even lift my arms up. I did manage to get all moved into a new journal, add some inspirational pictures/phrases, and write some in it. I'm going to fill that bad boy up with this journey!! By the time it is full, I will be different! I was able to visit some friends, my joy-bringers I call them, for a few before my kiddos came back home.
I have homework to do (as I'm working on my doctorate) and I'm always looking for new things to have my class do... Today I just have my youngest home with me and he is currently perched up on my lap drinking chocolate milk and watchin spongebob. =)
In keeping track of total weight lost... I have lost 47.4 lbs from my highest weight.
I had my appoinment with Dr. Clark right before my bday and have lost 10 lbs now since my bday weekend ended.
My goal is to lose as much weight as I possibly can before surgery! I see NO sense in not progressing now. And I definitely do NOT want to gain any more and make myelf have that much more to lose. I'm ready to reach my goal and STAY THERE THIS TIME!!!!!
Each day I am gaining huge inspiration and motivation from my banded peers on youtube and facebook. I'm so grateful that this community is so social and vocal!! I'm on FB everyday anyway and to be able to be inspired is just priceless. The transformations I see are simply amazing.
Losing the weight will help with my back pain, well my low back pain anyway. I know my fibro will most likely be worse as it is worse every year, no matter my size. But, being at my goal weight will let drs know that my weight isn't what is causing my pain and can focus on other ideas to make me feel better.
I can't wait to go walking outside....I really wish this intense heat wave would go away! Actually there is a waterwall close to home that I'm looking forward to walking to again...and the walk back is up an extreme hill...so it is great for the legs and rear! I love hiking too...I want to tackle some trails here soon...just need a non-kid day to go do it...and can't wait till my boys are old enough to do outdoor stuff like that with me. They will be mommy's hiking buddies once they are big enough.
I need to go shopping for some groceries and a variety of protein drinks to try. I've been hearing of this bariatric advantage line that I need to try. Also can't wait for my BodyMedia Armband to come in the mail, should be here today or tomorrow! Yay! It tracks sleep too which is awesome. I already know pain is what prevents me from sleep...but the more I know the better I can tend to it.
<3 <3 <3
Tuesday I was able to sleep in since my parents kept both my kiddos monday night! It was a weird flare riddled day. I didn't do much. It was hard to even lift my arms up. I did manage to get all moved into a new journal, add some inspirational pictures/phrases, and write some in it. I'm going to fill that bad boy up with this journey!! By the time it is full, I will be different! I was able to visit some friends, my joy-bringers I call them, for a few before my kiddos came back home.
I have homework to do (as I'm working on my doctorate) and I'm always looking for new things to have my class do... Today I just have my youngest home with me and he is currently perched up on my lap drinking chocolate milk and watchin spongebob. =)
In keeping track of total weight lost... I have lost 47.4 lbs from my highest weight.
I had my appoinment with Dr. Clark right before my bday and have lost 10 lbs now since my bday weekend ended.
My goal is to lose as much weight as I possibly can before surgery! I see NO sense in not progressing now. And I definitely do NOT want to gain any more and make myelf have that much more to lose. I'm ready to reach my goal and STAY THERE THIS TIME!!!!!
Each day I am gaining huge inspiration and motivation from my banded peers on youtube and facebook. I'm so grateful that this community is so social and vocal!! I'm on FB everyday anyway and to be able to be inspired is just priceless. The transformations I see are simply amazing.
Losing the weight will help with my back pain, well my low back pain anyway. I know my fibro will most likely be worse as it is worse every year, no matter my size. But, being at my goal weight will let drs know that my weight isn't what is causing my pain and can focus on other ideas to make me feel better.
I can't wait to go walking outside....I really wish this intense heat wave would go away! Actually there is a waterwall close to home that I'm looking forward to walking to again...and the walk back is up an extreme hill...so it is great for the legs and rear! I love hiking too...I want to tackle some trails here soon...just need a non-kid day to go do it...and can't wait till my boys are old enough to do outdoor stuff like that with me. They will be mommy's hiking buddies once they are big enough.
I need to go shopping for some groceries and a variety of protein drinks to try. I've been hearing of this bariatric advantage line that I need to try. Also can't wait for my BodyMedia Armband to come in the mail, should be here today or tomorrow! Yay! It tracks sleep too which is awesome. I already know pain is what prevents me from sleep...but the more I know the better I can tend to it.
<3 <3 <3
Monday, July 18, 2011
SURGERY DATE!!!
I have my date!! AUGUST 11, 2011 is the date that my life is going to change...once and for all.
I will go in on August 1 in stead of this thurs/next mon for the pre-op seminar and the pre-op testing. That is a monday and it starts at 9am so I should be done in plenty of time to get to work. =)
I will start the pre-op diet that day, I've already been adding in more protein shakes. I like the Usana shakes...I remember liking Unjury....MyoplexLite....what else do you guys like? I should probably ask facebook that since I don't know how many actually read this yet!
Today I did get in 30 minutes on the elliptical for a 350 cal burn. My spine handled it pretty well but my fibro'd out muscles are pissed...that and working tonight has done me in.
Anyway...I'm really enjoying reading about everyone else out there in the community...and watching your youtube videologs.
I'm looking for the best fitness device such as the bodybug etc..I've been reading up on about 6 of them! I'll let you know what I find.
I am so damn excited!! I can't wait to be me again...AND finally meet me at goal.
I will go in on August 1 in stead of this thurs/next mon for the pre-op seminar and the pre-op testing. That is a monday and it starts at 9am so I should be done in plenty of time to get to work. =)
I will start the pre-op diet that day, I've already been adding in more protein shakes. I like the Usana shakes...I remember liking Unjury....MyoplexLite....what else do you guys like? I should probably ask facebook that since I don't know how many actually read this yet!
Today I did get in 30 minutes on the elliptical for a 350 cal burn. My spine handled it pretty well but my fibro'd out muscles are pissed...that and working tonight has done me in.
Anyway...I'm really enjoying reading about everyone else out there in the community...and watching your youtube videologs.
I'm looking for the best fitness device such as the bodybug etc..I've been reading up on about 6 of them! I'll let you know what I find.
I am so damn excited!! I can't wait to be me again...AND finally meet me at goal.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
phone trial
just seeing if i can update this from my phone....it isnt allowing alts but i guess that is ok...
Faults? I have many.
I have been doing a lot of self-reflecting lately. Several things have sparked it in my mind. I have to do a lot of self-reflecting for my doctorate program. I also had that extensive psych eval in order to get approved for surgery. Of course my kids are quick to either point out my flaws or irritate me with bad habits they got from me! Sometimes I take out frustrations on the people closest to me and I apologize. I don't mean to do that. The more pain I'm in...the more stressed I am...the more frustrated I am....the snippier and more withdrawn I become. The reality...is that I'm super pissed and disappointed in myself. Sometimes I feel like a failure. But...I'm not whining here...because I am doing everything possible to achieve my goals in spite of myself.
My biggest life struggle has been with weight. Like I said, overweight since I was 5. So embarassing. My mom used to drag me up north to a store called "Kids at Large" to do my clothes shopping. She had me in weight watchers when I was in elementary school. So I had to go to the weigh ins...but I wasn't old enough to count points...all I could do was eat what she fed me and then go be embarrased at the scale and made to feel bad and like a failure. Then I was teased a bunch growing up because of it, like it was my fault or like I was less of a person because of it. My problems with low self-esteem started very young!
Now that I'm 30. I struggle more than ever. I've lost the weight twice! TWICE! and gained most back. Talk about disappointing. I work hard. Just this past couple weeks I worked really hard to lost 9 lbs after my birthday. Well yesterday I ate a little off plan...not a ton...not even a lot...not even as much as my thin friends would eat...and I gained 5 lbs overnight. It is such a struggle for me.
This band represents freedom, confidence, success. I'm GOING to reach my goal. I'm GOING to keep it off. I'm GOING to feel better, if only in my head.
For now, bear with me if I do get stressed or angry....just realize when I'm feeling that way it is about me and I probably just need a hug and some support.
Another of my faults according to the shrink was that I don't express enough emotions. So I'm using this blog to get those thoughts and feelings out there. I'm not going to clutter fb with them so that all of my 400 closest friends don't have to read it, only those that want to. Yes..I hold things in. Yes I'm used to taking care of everyone elses' problems. I'm a fixer. I can't fix myself. There is NO cure for fibro or my back. So, I help others. It makes me happy to help others. Knowing that I can do something to make someone else's life better gives me something to think about and to do. I love being able to help.
I'm sorry to the people that love me that there isn't much of anything that you can do to help me feel better. I know how much you care and how much you want to help. I certainly wish there was something. What I need most is just love and support. Maybe someday something will come out that can help.
My first goal now is to get this weight off so I can feel better, look better, and be taken seriously about the chronic pain issues.
Wanna know some more flaws? I'm terrible with directions. I procrastinate like it's my job. I get impatient with people in my personal sphere. I can be indecisive because I want to make others happy and do what they want. I can be extrememly assertive, which can be bad and good. I'm stubborn...again bad and good. I get my feelings hurt easily. I get overwhelmed easy. If I get overwhelmed I don't want to do anything..and most of this is in my personal sphere NOT WORK. I'm completely different when it comes to work. At work I'm wholly focused on it and not on me. It's not about me. It's about what I can do for my students. How I can help them make their lives better and reach their goals. I LOVE MY JOB!
I'm so used to filling many different roles.
I'm learning as I go.
Be patient with me because it's all worth it.
<3 <3 <3
My biggest life struggle has been with weight. Like I said, overweight since I was 5. So embarassing. My mom used to drag me up north to a store called "Kids at Large" to do my clothes shopping. She had me in weight watchers when I was in elementary school. So I had to go to the weigh ins...but I wasn't old enough to count points...all I could do was eat what she fed me and then go be embarrased at the scale and made to feel bad and like a failure. Then I was teased a bunch growing up because of it, like it was my fault or like I was less of a person because of it. My problems with low self-esteem started very young!
Now that I'm 30. I struggle more than ever. I've lost the weight twice! TWICE! and gained most back. Talk about disappointing. I work hard. Just this past couple weeks I worked really hard to lost 9 lbs after my birthday. Well yesterday I ate a little off plan...not a ton...not even a lot...not even as much as my thin friends would eat...and I gained 5 lbs overnight. It is such a struggle for me.
This band represents freedom, confidence, success. I'm GOING to reach my goal. I'm GOING to keep it off. I'm GOING to feel better, if only in my head.
For now, bear with me if I do get stressed or angry....just realize when I'm feeling that way it is about me and I probably just need a hug and some support.
Another of my faults according to the shrink was that I don't express enough emotions. So I'm using this blog to get those thoughts and feelings out there. I'm not going to clutter fb with them so that all of my 400 closest friends don't have to read it, only those that want to. Yes..I hold things in. Yes I'm used to taking care of everyone elses' problems. I'm a fixer. I can't fix myself. There is NO cure for fibro or my back. So, I help others. It makes me happy to help others. Knowing that I can do something to make someone else's life better gives me something to think about and to do. I love being able to help.
I'm sorry to the people that love me that there isn't much of anything that you can do to help me feel better. I know how much you care and how much you want to help. I certainly wish there was something. What I need most is just love and support. Maybe someday something will come out that can help.
My first goal now is to get this weight off so I can feel better, look better, and be taken seriously about the chronic pain issues.
Wanna know some more flaws? I'm terrible with directions. I procrastinate like it's my job. I get impatient with people in my personal sphere. I can be indecisive because I want to make others happy and do what they want. I can be extrememly assertive, which can be bad and good. I'm stubborn...again bad and good. I get my feelings hurt easily. I get overwhelmed easy. If I get overwhelmed I don't want to do anything..and most of this is in my personal sphere NOT WORK. I'm completely different when it comes to work. At work I'm wholly focused on it and not on me. It's not about me. It's about what I can do for my students. How I can help them make their lives better and reach their goals. I LOVE MY JOB!
I'm so used to filling many different roles.
I'm learning as I go.
Be patient with me because it's all worth it.
<3 <3 <3
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Sat July 16
Still doing well with my diet and water, focusing on protein and LOTS of water. I'm loving the Sobe lifewater, all flavors actually. They say "no artificial sweeteners" so I'm guessing the 0 calories and extra vitamins and antioxidents make this a great choice?
I'm working on homework a lot today, I'm kind of a procrastinator. I'm in my third quarter of my doctorate program in eduational leadership. I currently am an instructor at Harrison College and just love my job more than I thought it was possible to love a job!
Today a great friend of mine has a baby shower, I'm so excited for her and her first baby, a lil girl! =)
What I need to do is exercise. I can't do a whole lot, but I can swim..walk some...elliptical...dance...and a few other things...getting started is the hardest part. The more I take off, the more my back can support activity.
I'm in constant pain, head to toe, every second of every day. Sometimes I complain more than other days, but the pain is always there.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Pre-Op Info
New info today! Next thursday I am going to the pre-op seminar which will last about 2 hours in the morning. Then the following Monday (25th) I go in for all the pre-op testing. Surgery *hopefully* soon to follow!!
Adjusting to the life pre-band....so far today 34 grams of protein and 76 oz of water. No diet coke yet. I have lost 9 lbs since my birthday on the 3rd.
Have I mentioned that I can not wait for this? I want to meet goal-me so bad. I've met within 20-lbs-of-goal-me...but I've never in life met goal-me. I've been overweight since I was 5 so this has been a LONG time coming and I just can't wait for that.
I'm staying super motivated by reading others' stories on facebook, youtube, and blogs. This community of support is just fantastic!!
Anyway, thanks for sharing this journey with me! =)
Adjusting to the life pre-band....so far today 34 grams of protein and 76 oz of water. No diet coke yet. I have lost 9 lbs since my birthday on the 3rd.
Have I mentioned that I can not wait for this? I want to meet goal-me so bad. I've met within 20-lbs-of-goal-me...but I've never in life met goal-me. I've been overweight since I was 5 so this has been a LONG time coming and I just can't wait for that.
I'm staying super motivated by reading others' stories on facebook, youtube, and blogs. This community of support is just fantastic!!
Anyway, thanks for sharing this journey with me! =)
First Blog....No band yet!
Here we go! I have gone through all of the steps to get banded. I have attended support group meetings, met with the nutritionist, met with the surgeon, PA, coordinators...I've had my psych eval...and I've done all of this twice now! A brief history.... I've been overweight since I was 5 years old. The first time I had a dramatic weight loss was after my first son was born. I lost 110 lbs following the nutritionist's plan at St. Francis weight loss center. After a DVT/PE hospital stay and everything that goes along with that, I started gaining it back. That's when I went through the process to be approved for the band the first time. When the day came that I was all approved and had a date...I found out I was pregnant with son number 2! And...at the end of that year my insurance decided to stop covering the band. So, I went through the whole glorious pregnancy thing and then I psyched up to lose the weight...again...This time I lost 130 lbs by following Weight Watchers. As I came within 15 lbs of my goal...only 15! More discs in my back decided to go out, leaving me with 10 herniated discs, degenerated disc disease, arthritis, spurring, AND severe head to toe fibromyalgia. All of the exercise I was doing really ended up putting the hurts on me. No more 5 mile runs for this spine! Now, about 18 months later I have put 90 of those pounds back on. Now is the time for the band. I have to self-pay because for some reason insurance doesn't think being a healthy weight is worth the money. That's ok...I can pay it and I DESERVE IT. My kids deserve it too! I have a wonderfully awesome IUD to ensure no more babies and am ready to DO THIS! I just turned 30 and was hoping to reach my weight loss goals by now...but that wasn't in the cards for me so I've re-adjusted to 32.
My Goals for 32?
I will reach my goal weight!
I will finish my Doctorate program! (I'm 3 quarters into it and have a 4.0!)
I will be teaching full time! (I teach part time at Harrison College since I have these cute babies at home...well ages 6 and 3)
I will be able to exercise more and go hiking again.
I will feel comfortable in my own skin.
My back pain will be less.
Now I know the fibro isn't going anywhere...but...if I can take weight off of the table, I'll be more apt to get better help from doctors in working on that problem.
So...I am all approved....I've made payment arrangements...now I just need a date. I love to share my thoughts, ideas, motivation, etc...hence joining in the blogging world. =)
My Goals for 32?
I will reach my goal weight!
I will finish my Doctorate program! (I'm 3 quarters into it and have a 4.0!)
I will be teaching full time! (I teach part time at Harrison College since I have these cute babies at home...well ages 6 and 3)
I will be able to exercise more and go hiking again.
I will feel comfortable in my own skin.
My back pain will be less.
Now I know the fibro isn't going anywhere...but...if I can take weight off of the table, I'll be more apt to get better help from doctors in working on that problem.
So...I am all approved....I've made payment arrangements...now I just need a date. I love to share my thoughts, ideas, motivation, etc...hence joining in the blogging world. =)
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